i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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