I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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