her vagina looked like bernie madoff
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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