I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
