He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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