I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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