8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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