Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
