Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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