Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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