Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
