If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
