Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Quick, to the slutcave!
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
