It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
