how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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