What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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