At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
