I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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