i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
