i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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