I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Sober January is a disaster.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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