I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He passed out mid-signature
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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