i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
