So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
