Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
