I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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