is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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