He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My feet surprised me
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