Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so that wasnt chicken after all
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
