I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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