Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
