Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
