Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
