yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
