I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
