Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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