You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
