I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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