I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
