That's when you crack a 10am beer
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
