hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
