I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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