Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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