Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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