her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom said you looked used
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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