Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
