He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
