I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
