dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
