I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
