I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
