i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He? As in you personified your dick?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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