Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
