Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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