summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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