im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
