You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
