Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
