I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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