If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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