i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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